A big Brava to R Next Door (crazy neurotic bitch-) as well. She insisted on coming with me, driving me to the vet and back, and it was a great consolation not having to go through it alone.
The locum vet was in today, not the usual one, but he was brilliant. Wotan hadn't responded to the diuretics, etc. and the oedema was getting worse, spreading to his jaw and everything. He was still conscious, but you could tell he was pissed off and ready to go. There was no point in letting him drag on like that.
I was petrified he'd go into convulsions and stuff,and I'd never actually seen a death take place before. It was incredibly quick, and if death can be beautiful, it was. You couldn't even tell he was gone until the vet brought a stethoscope in.
The whole staff at All Creatures has been absolutely incredible. I'm so grateful to them.
Although I'm sobbing, snotting and knocking back rum (thanks, 'helenraven'-)I must say I feel relief, too. It was hideous to see my longtime muse and familiar reduced to such a miserable state. In the last week, it became obvious that nothing could extend his reasonably-comfortable life, and it would be kindest to let him go. He was truly a noble beast; one of the best, and I've known a lot of cats.
I suppose I should have put all this wailing behind a cut, but fuck it, I can't be arsed. I'm going to get drunk(er) and have a bloody good howl, now.