Crazycrone (crazycrone) wrote,

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Wobbling On...

I saw a news item the other night about how a young graduate , overwhelmed at the magnitude of her debts, committed suicide.I cried a bit. Poor girl. I can understand that so well, especially since my recent discovery that I am in a hell of a lot more debt than I thought.
Even if I suddenly got a properly paid job, I'd be paying for the rest of my life. And I'm only likely, if ever employed again, to be working in the kind of wage-slavery breadline work I had to do for all those decades...
There really is a feeling of life being 'over' for all practical purposes.(Of course, I'm far too much of a coward ever to actually top myself, but it often does seem the only sensible thing to do.)
I was also looking at one of the glut of Mozart tribute programmes, a docudrama showing him hunched over the table,desperately scrawling a begging letter to a wealthy friend to keep him and his family going.I cried again.
Why has there never been a real equal-distribution society? Why do people want to be obscenely overloaded with so much brass that they'll never ever need, while others have to scabble and snatch for every last penny? Everyone wants prosperity, and nice things. but wouldn't life be more pleasant for everyone, if we all had a comfortable amount? Ah well, pipe dreams...
I was in the gym thinking grim thoughts and something about this tree outside the window focused me, all of a sudden. Something about it was really fascinating, and I just stared at it for a while. It was very green. The leaves were quite fat-looking. It looked like a summer tree.
Maybe it was an acid flashback, or some kind of Dennis Potter 'blossomest blossom' moment. Dunno, but it was OK...
Wotan is frisking up and down the hall like a kitten. I hope that isn't a sign of some kind of bad senility thing; he just seems to be having fun.

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