Crazycrone (crazycrone) wrote,

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Grisaille Grizzle...

Another manky, dreik day. Humid enough to be stuffy but bone-chilly at the same time. Nice...
I had little choice but to go to the launderette, as putting it off only leads to bigger, more unwieldy loads to hassle churlishly with...For the third time in the last week or so, I was offered a seat by an old woman, at least 80. Bless, but it's NOT exactly morale-boosting, is it? Maybe they think my hair means I'm having chemo, or something.
I've still very little appetite, and I'm afraid to try eating another bowl of shreddies, lest it starts all over yet again. I feel pretty feeble, though.
Thinking about being 'helped back to the workplace' makes me feel even sicker, but I'm forced to meditate on these things by the recent entries of an LJ Friend. (I won't name him, as I don't know what the RL situation is like, and I shouldn't presume to comment, but I just feel like drivelling on for a bit...)
This LJer is seeing a therapist who evidently keeps telling him that he ( a sensitive, creative eccentric, natch-) must find a job, and even the most menial work will render him better able to do the stuff he really wants to do. Now, the bloke in question is decades younger than I am...I did work those years in the menial job, just to avoid the terrors and indignities of trying to claim/survive on benefit. By the time I was able to grasp redundancy, my spirit was so broken that, despite my efforts, I've been unable to fully apply myself to my 'real' work. Bitter irony...I think I did more and better work, when I had to steal moments to do it. Of course, in recent years, I've started to deteriorate physically, as well, which hasn't helped...Most horrible speculation of all is, am I just burnt out? Will I never do anything worthwhile, even though I now have (for as long as the DHSS permits-) the time, at least, to do it?
Would I actually be better off in a call centre? I think it would almost certainly finish me off...but if I can't do 'my' thing at all,now, it might me a mercy.
In any event, I advise the young man to be very wary of anything a therapist connected to the benefit system advises,and follow his star. I wish I had, when I had me health an' strength, mate.
I should put this shit behind a cut, so people don't have to look at it, but I can't remember how. Guh...

'I'm a funny monkey...'
- R. Crumb

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