July 31st, 2015



I was skint and desperate, so I went
 to The Brothel and begged them to take me on for some 'casual' shifts. Wearily, the madam (PJ Harvey) agreed to give me a try. I actually got a few customers. One was a suited and booted businessman who looked like Lee Van Cleef. Then there was Walt Whitman; quite frisky for an ancient beardy man. I remarked that I was a bit surprised to see him there, as I'd thought he fancied men. As a rule, he said, he did, but he dropped in now and then, as he occasionally  enjoyed sex with a 'witchy woman.'

Then I was an undergraduate at 'Brooklyn College'. My boyfriend, Benedict Cumberbatch (!) was also a young student, but already something of a campus celebrity, as he was expected to have  a great career. I didn't particulary fancy him 'that way', but was flattered that he seemed quite besotted with me, and I was gaining status by association.
He was directing himself in HAMLET, and had cast me as Gertrude. It was a sort of quickie 'rehearsal'  production, but everyone else was able to recite their parts without the script. I could get through Act One, but my brain just couldn't hold any more lines than that. (One of my problems in my RL efforts to be an actor-) I was getting really stresed out, as I was going to mess up the production, and once BC realised how lame I really was, he was sure to give me the boot, both from HAMLET, (Envious teenage Meryl Streep was lurking already, hoping to be promoted from her silent lady-in-waiting type to Queen, when I fucked up-) and my position as Cool Guy's Girlfriend. Then it all dissolved into one of those sagas where you're running around a huge building trying to find an unoccupied toilet...