May 12th, 2015


Black Dogged...

R Next Door commented again on how I 'walk around smiling in your bubble'! I may be in a bubble, but my brain is usually awash with hideous thoughts and despair. I read the other day that some depressives felt that their heads were full of some evil substance. I get that, too; some sort of bubbling poison, or pus...Yetch.
I haven't even been able to escape into dreams recently. They've been all anxiety scenarios. Last night I was lost in the dark in Helsinki and was terrified by lurking junkie types who were leering at me menacingly. I figured that when they attacked me and discovered I'd no money, they'd murder me out of sheer annoyance. It was raining, too!
I can't draw, write, or even read properly these days. I'm lucky if I can sit through a film without nodding out.
There's no proper reason for this, of course, it's the way I'm wired. Just needed to vent a bit; I know I'm pathetic, especially when you think about people in Nepal, etc., but that's the way I swing, unfortunately.