March 24th, 2007


Ashes, Ashes...

Yesterday was so bizarre, I can't even begin to write about it. It wouldn't make sense to peope who don't know the participants...Jesus Christ. I'll just mention Anna Pavlova in her urn, the deceased's weird sister, the throbbing odium between her and the deceased's ex-wife, all the sad memories that came washing over me of days at the theatre, and all the many people I used to hang with then who have since died or been radically fucked up...Then there was the cherry on top, when a comedy groundsman in a wooly hat trundled up and told us that scattering of remains under the willow tree ('just purchased by the Lee family-') was not allowed. I thought he was going to tell us to hoover JL up again. It was all  quite surreal. There were a couple of guys there I hadn't seen in about 15 years looking much changed. I was morbidly aware of how spectacularly I've decayed, of course.
We sat in the local Costa for ages, looking at the sister's photos of the deceased and his artworks. It was quite nice seeing these people again, although I don't suppose I'll hear from them in future. The sister is back off to Australia today, so I don't have to worry any more about her. Phew...
On the bus home, I was approached by a another old friend I had a great falling out with, and haven't seen in over ten years! I apologised for being mean to her, which I was, and she said she'd ring me. She looked aged and gaunt , too, but has her Equity card at last.. I'm glad I had the chance to say I was sorry, anyway, I've always felt a bit guilty about that.
My gum is starting to show signs of infection (I thought it was healing a bit too smoothly-) and I've had a dreadful stomach upset ;barely made it home, actually, before I was violently ill, which carried on all night. Oh, the insanity...
  • Current Music
    Manfred Mann: THE MIGHTY QUINN

MORE Death...

Got an email this afternoon. Another cherished friend, who had been in bad health for years, and had to go back to his native Blackpool, died yesterday, while we were scattering the other J!
I can't cope with all this. 
We used to email several times a week, at least. He did mention possibly having to go into hospital  for a few days, and now he's fucking dead.
He was a wonderful singer, multi-talented, a self-destructive crazy person, a big softy, and a true one-off.  He doesn't belong dead...Barely fifty fucking years of age.