August 22nd, 2006


Programmed To Self-Destruct...

I went along to that audition yesterday, It was for a new game show where you have a chance of winning £20,000. Of course, I was hampered by some kind of bizarre collywobble malady, which I don't think was 'nerves' as I knew I was most unlikely to be chosen, and I still bloody have it. I hope it finishes soon, as I've got to get Wotan to the vet for his checkup later.
I suppose this is TMI, but when did that ever stop me? It involved hideously excruciating wind, which required constantly clenched bumcheeks to even attempt to control, and every half hour or so, a staggeringly noisy and malodorous visit to the convenience.
I considered not going, but that would have been even more demoralising. Thank the gods I managed without any accidents, but I was decidedly not at my best.
It was at the Freemasons' Arms,on Long Acre. There was a rather testy note on the door saying that if you were early, please go away and come back at the proper time. Then, of course we had to wait, standing on the stairs for 20 minutes after the call...
We had to be photographed, introduce ourselves, ( The others were all younger than me,normal-looking, and when asked to describe herself, one girl said 'charismatic'!) Then we went through the motions of the game, using ping-pong paddles in lieu of buzzers. The questions were all very easy, but my partner and I seemed to be the last every time, and only got called on once, to identify Colonel Sanders and his product. The shame...Then, we filled out a general knowledge form.( I could not remember the name of the headbutting World Cup footballer for any money...) and home again, jiggety jig, to the blessed relief of being able to fart thunderously and crap noisomely, without the prospect of grossing out anyone but myself. So it goes.
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