March 11th, 2003



I was in an ecstasy of schadenfreude watching this brilliant film that covered several years of Rob Newman's trying to produce his third novel and get it published. The thing 'about globalisation' sounded quite dreadful, and he's now going to publish it himself, after failing to pitch it anywhere else.
The best bits were video diaries of Newman wasting time, sloping around the house, slapping blackboard paint on the walls for his 'notes', smoking, lying in a hammock, just sitting, smoking some more...I often feel that somehow I'm the only person who is quite this hopeless at creating creatively, and it pleased me enormously to see that Mr Newman is every bit as lame and self-deluding as I am. Wow! Of course, he has actually published two novels already, and prior to that had a lucrative career as a comic... Good Lord, was this bloke ever funny? I still use 'That's you, that is-' to needle people sometimes, but I don't actually remember anything else. It surprised me that he seems to be skint, now...That's apart from owning a house (which he fears he may have to sell-), a car, etc. He also seemed to have, over the time depicted, a Mac, a laptop, and a PC. On the other hand, he lives in some squalour, so no cleaner, and he claims to owe the grocery shop next door 'thousands-' (See you in LIDL, Rob?) The fluctuations in weight and hair length/style over the period were quite fascinating , too. What a cool show. To-night AS Byatt gets the same treatment (11:20 BBC2) and it should be well worth watching, although I doubt she'll be as consolingly chaotic.
In closing, I must point out that Rob Newman, to his credit, lives with a very nice Wotan-syle black and white cat, often seen perched on the back of his chair regarding him with pity and scorn...
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Well well, you have about as much charisma as a
peanut soaked in vinegar... which isn't very
much. Woe is most certainly you.

!! How Charismatic are You? !!
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Just a while ago on BBC1 one of those drearily manic Youth presenters (I've got more charisma than them anyway...) gabbled about the guests coming up this week; one was a group that sounded like "BLAZING SQUAT". I'm assuming I misheard, but it's not bad, is it? Anyone looking for a pop group name?